the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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