you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
