Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
