Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
