One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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