Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
