***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
