Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
