New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
