I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
