something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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