This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
