People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
