Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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