Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
