Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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