how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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