The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
