4 words: hood of his car
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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