Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
