You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
