I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
