How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
