I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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