I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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