Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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