Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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