My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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