She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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