I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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