Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
