I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
