you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
