Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
