I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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