i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need moral support for this bender
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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