I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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