we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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