Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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