so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
