she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
