Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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