Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I could make wine with my vomit
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
