you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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