ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
