Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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