Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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