Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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