You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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