Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
