goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
