I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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