....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
