shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
