I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
