the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
