the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
