I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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