Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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