my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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