I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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