Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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