I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
