if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
