Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
