I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
