So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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