she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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