I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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