It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
