New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
