they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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