very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
