There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
